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Brass Players Real Rules of Engagement/Behaviour

  • Always show up late for rehearsal. It lets the conductor know how much he needs you.
  • Don't practice too much ahead of time. You don't want to "peak" too soon.
  • If you take a pencil to rehearsal, take enough for everybody...and make sure the eraser is worn down. It helps give the music an antique look.
  • Always ad lib and take things up an octave. It shows initiative, and the composer would probably be grateful.
  • Always laugh out loud when someone misses a note. Humiliation builds character.
  • Always chew gum during rehearsal. It shows everyone that you can do two things at one time.
  • Never count during long rests. Rely on your neighbour to tell you when to play.
  • Always play the 4th Horn cues, because he always plays yours.
  • Always be the last one to cut off. Someone has to.
  • Always slouch in your chair. It shows you are relaxed.
  • Never play absolutely in tune. It sounds funny.
  • Always raise your hand during rehearsal and ask a stupid question. It helps kill time, and gives everyone a chance to stare at you.
  • Always make strange noises through your instrument. It draws attention to yourself.
  • Always beat your foot in time with a piece other than what you are playing.
  • Never let anyone play louder than you.
  • Always glance at the conductor. He likes to think he's in charge.