21st Century Tempo Markings and other Musical Atrocities
- Adagio formaggio: To play in a slow and cheesy manner.
- Al dente con tableau: In opera, chew the scenery.
- AnDante: A musical composition that is infernally slow.
- Angus Dei: A divine, beefy tone.
- Antiphonal: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.
- A patella: Unaccompanied knee-slapping.
- Appologgiatura: An ornament you regret after playing it.
- Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer and not intended by the composer, especially when disguised with an air of "I meant to do that."
- Approximento: A musical entrance that is somewhat close to the correct pitch.
- Bar line: What musicians form after a concert.
- Basso continuo: The act of game fishing after the legal season has ended
- Basso profundo: An opera about deep sea fishing.
- Brake drum: The instrument most used to slow the tempo in an orchestra.
- Concerto grosso: A really bad performance.
- Coral Symphony: (see: Beethoven-Caribbean period).
- Cornetti trombosis: Disastrous entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians are not careful exiting the stage.
- D.C. al capone: You betta go back to the beginning, capiche?
- Dill piccolo: A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.
- Diminuendo: The process of quieting a rumor in the orchestra pit.
- Eardrum: A teeny, tiny tympani.
- Fermantra: A note that is held over and over and over and...
- Fermoota: A rest of indefinite length and dubious value.
- Fiddler crabs: Grumpy string players.
- Flute flies: Gnat-like bugs that bother musicians playing out-of-doors.
- Fog horn: A brass instrument that plays when the conductor's intentions are not clear.
- Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.
- Gaul blatter: A French horn player.
- Good conductor: A person who can give an electrifying performance.
- Gregorian champ: Monk who can hold a note the longest.
- Herbert von Carryon: A conductor who never rides in the cargo hold.
- Kvetchendo: Gradually getting annoyingly louder.
- Mallade: A romantic song that's pretty awful.
- Molto bolto: Head straight for the ending, but don't make it seem rushed
- Opera buffa: Musical stage production at a nudist camp.
- Pipe smoker: An extremely virtuosic(k) organist.
- Poochini: When singing, to be accompanied by your dog.
- Pre-Classical Conservatism: School of thought which fostered the idea, "if it ain't baroque, don't fix it".
- Prelude: A cue, found in some of the earlier oratorios, instructing those singing the roles of the wicked to pray in an offensive or profane manner. (Pray lewd?)
- (The) Rights of Strings: Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Bowed Instruments.
- Spinet: Politician's order.
- Spritzicato: Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional)
- Status cymbal: An instrument to be played at inaugurations and socialite balls.
- Tempo tantrum: What a young orchestra is having when it's not keeping time with the conductor.
- Timpani Alley: A row of kettledrums.