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Musical Malapropisms

  • A character piece is a piece of music that is dressed up.
  • A chromatic scale is formed entirely of semi-circles.
  • A dot lengthens a note one semitone.
  • A drone is an imitation or look-a-like of someone else's work.
  • A harp is a nude piano.
  • A man who loooks on the bright side of things is called an optimist, and one who looks on the dull side is called a pianist.
  • A refrain is music is the part you'd better not try to sing.
  • A Sonata goes through the expedition stage.
  • A sonatina is an instrument which you play by pulling it in and out.
  • A Stradivarius is a prehistoric animal.
  • A trio must be sung three times up to the word D.C.
  • A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
  • Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do no live until they are dead.
  • Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips in middle of playing a piece.
  • Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
  • All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.
  • An instrumentalist is one who plays his instrument for love.
  • An interval in music is the distance from one piano to the next.
  • An oboe is an American tramp.
  • An octet is a figure with eight sides.
  • At one time singers had to use musicians to accompany them.
  • Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
  • Bach's family was full of musicians which he made the best of.
  • Beethoven is found in The Radio Times. He made 38 senators and lately celebrated his centurion death. His father was a drunkard and sang Bass.
  • Beethoven wrote three symphonies the Third, the Fifth, and the Ninth. He wrote music even though he was deaf. Beethoven was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. Do you know that if Beethoven were alive today, he would be celebrating the 165th anniversary of his death?
  • Chopin died at age 39 from rebirtihabtion.
  • Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
  • Crooning is a modern form of singing derived from sub-animal or vegetable sources.
  • D.C. Don't clap!
  • Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.
  • Esipodical form is when one tune goes out while the other comes in.
  • Euclid wrote lovely music.
  • F.R.C.O. Fellow of Royal Canine Office.
  • Folk music is pasted (passed on) by oral tradition.
  • Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
  • Handel wrote fairy tales.
  • Handel wrote the "Messiah" and later "The Lost Chord." It is the latter people cannot forget.
  • Henry Purcell was a well-know composer few people have ever heard of.
  • I know what a sextet is but I' rather not say.
  • In defining musical terms, they also demonstrate that they know their brass from their oboe.
  • In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Neda, who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon, Silvio gets stabbed also and they all live happily ever after. Caruso was the first Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.
  • Interpretation is the way you present a piece of piece to other people.
  • It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.
  • Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
  • Mandolines are high officials in China.
  • Melba-where Napoleon was imprisoned.
  • Microtones are consistent soft sounds heard through a piece.
  • Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
  • Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing with music it is called Acapulco.
  • My favourite composer was Opus.
  • My favourite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
  • My favourite instrument is the picadilly.
  • Nocturne - when a particular artist writes best at night and usually composes all of his music at night.
  • One semibreve equals two minions and one crochet four semi-skews.
  • Piano trio has a piano, two violas, and a cello. String quartet has a piano, violin, and cello.
  • Probably the most marvellous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
  • Refrain means don't do it.
  • Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.
  • Scales are of two kinds - diatonic and rheumatic.
  • Silence in music is shown by putting your feet down on the paddles.
  • Since synthesisers came along, singers can now play with themselves.
  • Some instruments used in the orchestra are: viles, cellars, trumpets, hornets, baboons, old boys and bubble basses.
  • Stradivarius sold his violins on the open market with no strings attached.
  • Syncopation is emphasis on a note that is not in the piece.
  • The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.
  • The difference between twelve 5ths and seven octaves, or 23.460010 cents, is labelled the Pythagorean coma
  • The fugue is what you get in a room full of people when all the windows and doors are shut.
  • The gamut is a musical scale. The name is derived from gamut or catgut, the material from which the strings of instruments used to be made.
  • The great 12th-century Notre Dame de Paris duo---Lenin and Protein
  • The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is too tangled up.
  • The principle singer of 19th century opera was called pre-Madonna.
  • There are two kinds of scales, dramatic and chronic.
  • There are two pedals, the soft and the hard.
  • Three-four time is simply cripple time.
  • To descant is to pour out the air above the tune.
  • Two crotchets make a quaker.
  • Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tschaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.