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Some rules of behaviour and practice hints for the wind band musician

by Henk van Lijnschooten

  1. At home, always store your instrument in the most inconspicuous place possible, so as to not be constantly reminded of the fact that you have to practice.
  2. Always be late on rehearsals, so that your presence be especially noticed.
  3. It is not important how you attach reed covers, mutes, etc. to your music-desk, as long as they can fall off easily.
  4. To be able to check your own tone well, always continue playing briefly after the conductor has stopped.
  5. Staying away from rehearsals is an excellent way to give proof of your importance.
  6. Help your fellow musicians by playing yourself so loudly, that another man's mistakes attract less attention.
  7. In order to obtain yourself extra certainty, it is best to ask questions about issues that have been discussed on previous rehearsals.
  8. In order to be sure that all water is thoroughly removed from all valves and slides, you should blow it out in a way that it can be well heard. It is best to do this during delicate passages.
  9. Extra reeds can be lost easily. It is therefore advisable to leave them at home.
  10. During rehearsal, wear shoes with hard soles, to be able to tap audibly on the floor and thus play in time.
  11. To remind the conductor of the current time, look at your watch often and conspicuously. Shake the watch, if you are not certain if it tells the correct time.
  12. In order to be sure that your instrument is put away correctly in its case, it is best to start packing well before the end of the rehearsal.
  13. It is not really necessary to celebrate family feasts on the day itself. You may very well move these to the evening of rehearsal.
  14. Consistently refuse to play other than 1st parts. You wouldn't admit that the 2nd and 3rd parts are sometimes more difficult for you, would you?
  15. Always shake your head conspicuously when other musicians make mistakes.
  16. Scores can be best put away in your instrument case in a rolled up or folded manner.
  17. To avoid wear and tear to the inside of your instrument, never clean it.
  18. Make sure that the main tuning slide is thoroughly stuck, so that other players always have to tune up to you.
  19. Never read the publications of your band. Suppose they contain senseless tips like these.

Did you recognise yourself in one or more of the situations mentioned above? Then don't get angry, because they only exist in the imagination of the author (Henk van Lijnschooten, that is).